We are lucky to have had the opportunity to work closely with psychotherapist, financial therapist, and wealth counselor, Marilyn Wechter, for nearly 7 years on issues related to our clients’ families and their wealth. She has quickly become one of the most valuable resources in our network of outside advisors. We are constantly in awe of her ability to turn the discomfort of challenging situations into a healthy and welcome dialogue. Marilyn proposes that open conversations among parents and children about money are essential to fostering the appropriate relationship with future inheritance.

Keep in mind these key points when approaching family conversations about money:

-In money conversations, disagreement is not the problem. Rather, disengagement is the problem. This means that there are no taboo subjects.

-Approaching issues with soft knees is essential. Just like buildings that sway in response to wind and earthquakes, we become far less brittle when we approach issues without rigidity.

Marilyn offers these questions as a template to get started:

• What is your personal history with money?
• What were the messages that you got about it: From your mother? From your father? From your grandparents? From your culture?
• Did you witness conflict in your family of origin over financial issues?
• Was money ever spoken about?
• What role does money play in your life now?
• Can you spend without conflict, or shame, or guilt?
• Do you use money to address some other feeling or need?
• Do you use money to control or exert power over others: your children or your partners or your friends?
• Are you fearful about having enough?
• How does money create joy or anxiety for you?

We’re always open to charitable inspiration, and I recently found it in a book called Empty Mansions: The Mysterious Life of Huguette Clark and the Spending of a Great American Fortune.

Huguette Clark, the daughter of William A. Clark, a former U.S. Senator and copper magnate, lived a fulfilling life—though marked by her own unique style—that ended with the last 20 years in a hospital and an estate worth more than $300 million. The centenarian never worked for a dollar and didn’t seem much interested in business. Her real talent was giving money away and seeing others enjoy it. She personally orchestrated gifts of cash to employees and toys to their children. She even included complete strangers and often arranged recurring gifts for the entire life of the recipient.

No matter how big or small the scale, charitable giving can bring the same amount of joy to you as it did for Clark. She never failed to embrace the excitement in making someone else’s life a little bit better.

Warren Buffett attributes part of his success to what he calls winning the Ovarian Lottery. He was born to parents in the U.S. who supported him and he grew up at a time when his financial skills at allocating capital provided great rewards.

My wife, Lynn, and I agree with his assessment and believe that luck has been a huge part of our lives. That belief is at the core of why we support children’s charities. Our two favorites, described below, give kids who aren’t ovarian lottery winners a better chance at living a good life.

Angels’ Arms keeps foster siblings together by furnishing homes and providing resources for foster parents. Founded in 2000, Angels Arms currently has 10 homes located throughout the St. Louis area.

Epworth Children’s Home provides housing, education and counseling to children of ages 12-20 who suffered abuse or neglect. More than 5,300 youth and families turn to Epworth each year for emergency shelter, family reunification therapy, transitional and independent living programs, special education, foster family care, prevention services and a 24-hour help line.